


Not Ready for the Grave

by S0uthernG0thic



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2019-10-29 06:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17802710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S0uthernG0thic/pseuds/S0uthernG0thic
Summary: Bucky survived the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but he's still piecing together his past and coping with what it means to have been a tool of Hydra. On his journey, he runs into a reporter who is looking for a connection between Hydra and a traumatic event from her childhood. Does the key to his freedom lie in her quest?





	1. Prologue

Bucky jerked awake. He laid there for a moment reassuring himself that it was just a dream. His makeshift bed of a park bench provided little comfort, but it was better than what he had before. There were no scientists poking him, no more mind wipes, no being put on ice. He was out.

He slowly sat up pulling off the worn blanket a homeless person had given him a few hours ago. The cool evening air hit the thin sheen of sweat on his neck causing him to shiver. He rubbed a gloved hand across the beard beginning to grow. When was the last time he’d been allowed to grow a beard? When was the last time he’d done anything just because he wanted to? He couldn’t remember.

Having no one tell him what to do was equal parts liberating and terrifying. He didn’t know where to begin mostly because he didn’t know who he was anymore. The display at the museum had assured him that he was, in fact, Sgt. Bucky Barnes; the member of the Howling Commandos who had been presumed killed in action during World War II. Steve, the man he had fought on the hellicarrier and drug out of the river, hadn’t lied to him about that. They had known each other. But Bucky wasn’t that person anymore. He also didn’t feel like he was the Winter Soldier. He wasn’t a merciless assassin, not really.

Bucky sat there deciding what his next move would be. Should he go to the north? Maybe exploring his old neighborhood of Brooklyn would help him remember. Or should he head to Europe? If he retraced the steps of his old unit, that could bring up memories of what he was like before. Then there was always the possibility that none of it would work.

One thing he did know. He remembered being the Winter Soldier. He couldn’t remember every mission in detail, but when he slept, he saw the faces of the people he had killed. He remembered flashes of his training. He also couldn’t shake the feeling the red-headed woman from the highway who had been with Steve and the other guy was somehow connected to his life as the Winter Soldier.

There were so many questions to answer, so many memories to sort and categorize. The weight of the journey ahead felt so heavy.

Somewhere nearby, a shoe scuffed on the walking path. His head shot up. While he doubted any Hydra agents were looking for him, it paid to assume everyone was out to get him. He wasn’t trained for kindness.

Slowly standing up, he melted into the shadows behind the bench. A woman appeared on the path. She scanned the darkness ahead of her. Bucky could tell she was looking for something, but he didn’t think it was him. She didn’t carry herself like a Hydra agent.  
The woman walked past his bench and continued on to the area with the baseball diamonds. He watched her disappear down the hill into the field before daring to follow. While she may have not come for him, his curiosity had been piqued. He smiled. This was him making a decision, and it felt good.


	2. The park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat Austin knew dredging for hidden Hydra files was dangerous, but she didn't expect to be shot at in a park. She certainly didn't expect to be rescued by a mysterious stranger either.

Another chilly spring night in Virginia. Cat Austin couldn’t wait for the warmth of summer to roll in. She was wearing the tan trench coat she kept in her car for emergencies. In spite of the unease, she felt at the moment, the coat was at least keeping her warm and made her look like an old-fashioned journalist.

"Just need the fedora with the press pass tucked into the band, and I’d be a regular Girl Friday," she thought. She took a right at a fork in the path and walked towards an unlit area of the park.

She wasn’t sure why her contact had wanted to meet here. Sure, she was coming to collect leaked Hydra documents, but he could've just as easily passed them off in a coffee shop. The deserted park made their clandestine meeting seem really obvious to anyone who might get the urge for a late night jog.

Cat shivered, but it wasn’t from the cold. She felt eyes on her. She looked around as she kept walking. No one that she could see. There were shadows and a rocky hill with plenty of hiding places, but this was also a park known for its homeless population. She hoped that if anyone was actually watching her it was just a paranoid bag lady.

“Just keep moving,” she whispered to herself. “Get in, get out, go home, and take a warm bath.”

Her eyes caught movement just ahead near the baseball diamond. God, I hope that’s him.

“Ms. Austin?” Came a man’s voice.

“Mr. Osminog.”

Osminog stepped out of the shadows. He was a short man with close-cropped gray hair. Though they had spoken on the phone a few times, this was the first time Cat had actually seen him.

“I have the file,” he said lifting a bulky, manila folder. “Do you have the money?”

Cat pulled a thick envelope from her pocket and tossed it to Osminog. He caught it with one hand, hefted it to see if it felt heavy enough, and then handed her the folder.

“These should answer your questions about what happened in DC, Ms. Austin.”

“That’s what I thought the S.H.I.E.L.D. documents leaked by Agent Romanoff would do, but they didn’t.”

“These are different. Many within S.H.I.E.L.D. have died trying to get these papers. Hydra kept them offline.”

“Then why give them to me now?”

“Hydra was supposed to offer lasting peace. All it did was create chaos. I regret my part.”

“So this is your penance?”

He nodded. “I know they won’t let me live when they find out what I’ve done. I hope you can at least make my death worth it.”

“That’s a little bleak.”

“But realistic.” He paused as if he heard something. “You should go.”

As Cat turned to walk away, something whizzed past her head and hit a nearby tree. Instinctively, she ducked. Several more small projectiles hurtled past. Osminog grunted and fell to the ground.

Oh, god! Someone’s shooting! She looked over at Osminog. He didn’t seem to be breathing.

Shit. Cat made a mad dash for the rocky hill she passed earlier. Maybe she could find a place to hide and call the police.

She was halfway there when someone tackled her.

“Don’t move,” the man grumbled in her ear. His voice sounded more concerned than threatening, so against her better judgment she listened.

The man stood up and yelled something in another language. German maybe. Or Russian. She didn’t know enough of either language to narrow it down. Voices called back from the dark. Cat squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to slow her breathing as she heard footsteps approach.

“We thought you died on the helicarrier,” said one of the men in English.

The man who tackled her gave a short laugh. “It would take more than one super soldier to kill me.”

“Were you following Agent Osminog too?” another asked.

“No, I was on my way to a safe house when I saw your team following this woman. Who is she?”

“A reporter,” said the first man. “Osminog went soft. He gave her some of our files. Is she dead?”

“No, but you are.”

Cat heard several thuds that sounded like punches. Someone fell next to her. She cautiously opened one eye to see a man. His eyes stared off unseeing and his head tilted at an odd angle. With a gasp, she scrambled to stand up. The sound of fighting stopped. Turning to look, she saw one man was left standing. Bodies scattered around him like ghastly flower petals. He wore all black. Gloves covered his hands even though it wasn’t quite cold enough for them. His shaggy brown hair hung over his face. As if sensing her watching him, he straightened his shoulders and met her gaze. His eyes immediately struck her. They were the bluest she had ever seen.

“Hurricane,” she whispered involuntarily.

“What?” Her rescuer cocked his head to the side.

“Oh, nothing. Sorry. That just came out.”

The man glanced around anxiously. “We need to go. They’ll send more.”


	3. Call me Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat is relieved to escape the Hydra agents but soon discovers her rescuer is probably more dangerous.

Cat clutched the folder to her chest as she and her mysterious rescuer ran through the park towards her car.

“Were those guys Hydra?” She yelled over her shoulder.

“Yes.”

“I knew it! Everyone in DC keeps acting like they all died or were captured when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, but I knew there had to be more.”

“There’s a lot more.”

When they reached the parking lot, Cat grabbed the keys out of her pocket, unlocked the car with a push of a button, slid inside her car, and threw the file in the backseat without a single pause, but the man hesitated near the passenger door.  
“Get in! You said more would be on the way.”

He stood there as if weighing his options.

“Look, Mr. Mysterious Guy. You may have time to stand around looking all dark and broody, but I don’t. So are you getting in or not?”

Cat’s words seemed to snap him out of whatever mental spiral he was on. He jumped into the car.

“Where are you headed?” he asked as he glanced around looking for signs of anyone following them.

“Home.”

“They probably know where you live.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t really have any options. Journalists don’t get paid enough to lay low when stories get crazy.”

Pulling onto Interstate 66, she headed for her apartment in Centreville. They rode in silence as Cat mulled over everything that had just happened. She knew this story would be dangerous, but she hadn’t expected the danger to come so soon. She shuddered as her mind replayed Osminog’s dead body.

Suddenly, she remembered the conversation between her new friend and the Hydra agents.

“We thought you died on the helicarrier.”

“It would take more than one super soldier to kill me.”

The car swerved as her arms went numb from panic.

The man reached over to steady the steering wheel before they went off the road. “Are you okay?”

“Holy fuck! You’re one of them!” She grabbed desperately at the steering wheel.

He saw the realization in her eyes and slid as far away from her as he could. “Not anymore,” he mumbled as he stared out the window.

“You’re the Winter Soldier. The guy with the metal arm, right? That’s why you’re wearing those gloves.”

“I’m not that man anymore.”

Cat gripped the steering wheel and focused on the road. She was sitting in a car with a murderer and terrorist.

This is nuts! But he did rescue me. What if he has an ulterior motive? What if all this is to lull me into a false sense of security to find out what I know?

Cat shook her head. "But I don’t know anything. Anything I could know is probably in that file, and he could’ve just killed me and taken it. Fuck!"

She kept her eyes glued to the road, but turned slightly towards him. “So you say you aren’t that guy anymore. What does that mean?”

The Winter Soldier kept looking out the window. “I was someone else before. I’m beginning to remember that now.”

“Who?”

“I was a son. I was a sergeant in the U.S. Army. I was someone’s friend.”

If she weren’t having a conversation with a man capable of killing her, she would give him shit him about being vague.

“Do you remember whose friend you were?”

“My mission.”

“What?”

“He was my mission.”

Cat could see this conversation was just going in strange loops. She decided it was probably best to stick with a few sure things. “So you aren’t going to kill me?”

“No.”

“And you aren’t working for Hydra?”

“No.”

“Okay then.”

They rode a few more miles in silence. Cat sensed the No-Longer-Winter-Soldier was dealing with some really heavy personal things. She also knew, if he was telling the truth about not working for Hydra, he was her best shot at staying alive for the time being.  
They finally arrived at her apartment complex. Shutting off the car, she turned to her passenger and stuck out her hand. “Hi. My name is Catherine Austin. My friend’s call me Cat. And you are?”

He looked at her hand as if the concept of a handshake were completely foreign. Gingerly, he reached out to shake her hand. “Call me Bucky.”

Cat smiled. Bucky sounded much less sinister than Winter Soldier. “Well, Bucky, would you like to stay with me tonight. My couch is more comfortable than a park bench or wherever it was you were sleeping before.”

Bucky nodded and gave her a small smile back. “Thank you.”

“The only catch is you can’t kill me.”

His smile disappeared. “I promise that won’t happen.”


	4. The apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With few options, Cat lets Bucky into her home. He proceeds to rearrange furniture.

The complex was one of those newer construction projects that seem to go up overnight. Very modern and very cheap. As they walked up the three flights to her apartment, Bucky scanned each floor. He couldn’t see any obvious points for anyone to hide and surprise them.

Before Cat could unlock the door, Bucky put a hand on her shoulder. She started to ask him why, but he shook his head. Leaving her side, he cautiously walked to the far end of her hall. It was open on either side. If a sniper were set up in close building or a tall tree, this would be an easy place to pick off a target. He peeked around the corner. No nearby buildings or trees. The other side proved to be the same.

Bucky walked back to her door then. “Does anything seem out-of-place?”

Cat took a good look. “No, though I’m not sure I’d notice if there was.”

He sighed. Civilians.

Cat unlocked the door. “Do you want to go in first since you’re paranoid?”

He cocked an eyebrow at her attitude. “You know what they say about paranoia.”

“Yeah, yeah. That just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.” She rolled her eyes.

He leaned in closer to her. “Also, I’m not the one looking for lost Hydra files, am I? Maybe now is a good time to be paranoid.”

That erased the grin from her face. She gulped nervously. “Okay, maybe you should check it out.”

Bucky motioned for her to step to the side of the door frame. He stepped to the other side and pushed the door open. When no one shot, he poked his head around. The apartment hallway was dark, but he could see a faint glow from the living room.  
“Do you normally leave a light on?”

Cat nodded. He lightly stepped into her apartment while she waited in the hall.

I’ve lost my mind, she thought. She was letting a Hydra assassin into her house. Sure, he was helping her now, but she had seen the surveillance footage of him fighting Captain America downtown. She shook her head. This guy seemed far removed from the cold-blooded killing machine she had seen in the video. He may have some of the same instincts, but he seems almost scared now. Her journalistic instinct tingled. There was a story there.

Just then Bucky walked back out. “It’s clear.”

Cat exhaled and walked straight to the kitchen, tossing the file onto the counter. Opening the refrigerator, she called over her shoulder, “I don’t know about you, Tall, Dark, and Scary, but I need a drink.”

Bucky wondered when the last time he had drunk was. He had vague flashes of a bar, a woman in a red dress, and a man in uniform. He couldn’t remember their faces, but the man in uniform felt like a friend.

“I think one of us should stay sober.”

Grabbing a beer, she closed the door. “Good point, but there’s no way I’ll be able to turn off my brain without one. Would you like to use the shower first?”

Bucky glanced around the apartment. It needed securing if they were going to stay here tonight. “You go ahead.”

Cat shrugged. “Okay, well, make yourself at home.” She took her beer into the bathroom.

As soon as he heard the water start, Bucky began moving furniture. The living room had two windows. He moved a bookcase in front of the one that was easiest to walk past. The front door was another problem. While Hydra might not risk an all-out assault, they could use some of their agents in law enforcement to stage an arrest. He moved the love seat in front of it. It wouldn’t shield from bullets, but it would be harder to knock down. In her bedroom, he took the mattress off her bed to block the lone window.  
Walking back into the living room, he switched off the lamp before moving the blinds to peek out the second window. They were three floors up. Too high for Cat to jump from, but he could. If they had to leave in a hurry, maybe he could carry her.

Satisfied that the apartment was as secure as it was going to get, he sat down on the couch. He had spent the last few nights sleeping in parks between here and DC. It felt good to rest for a bit.

Cat took her time in the shower, letting the hot water ease the tension from her muscles as she pondered her next move. Well, that depends on what’s in the file, doesn’t it?

She let the water stream down her face as she fought back tears. This could be the thing she had been searching for. That file could hold clues to her dad. She hated what Hydra had done to her family. Cat wouldn’t rest till she found out of he was still alive. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she turned off the water.

Quickly drying off and pulling on her bathrobe, she stepped out to check on her guest. She found him sitting on her couch asleep. Poor, terrifying man must be exhausted.

That’s when she noticed his redecorating. She shook her head. I hope he plans to move all this back. There’s no way I’m doing it.

Cat walked into her bedroom to change. She sighed when she noticed her mattress against the window. Guess I’m sleeping on my inflatable mattress tonight.

Back in the hall, she quietly opened the closet. She almost had the folded mattress down from the top shelf when she bumped a box, knocking it to the floor with a bang. A thud sounded from the opposite side of the door startling her. She looked around to the other side. A knife was imbedded in the door and an intimidating Winter Soldier was staring right at her with murder in his eyes.


	5. Knives, metaphoric and physical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finds out what was so important about the file.

“I know you didn’t just throw a knife at me.”

Cat put her hands on her hips and glared back at the super soldier. Somewhere in the back of her brain, she knew she should be scared, but she was too angry. She’d let the man into her home, she’d trusted him, and now he was throwing knives. Well, just the one knife, but still.

Bucky seemed to stare through her for a moment. He swayed a little before blinking his eyes and focusing.

“I… I’m sorry.”

Cat saw his distress and ran to catch him before he fell over. “What’s wrong?” She guided him back over to the couch.

“I was asleep. I heard a noise. I thought someone had broken in. It didn’t register that it was you until I was throwing the knife.”

“Well, I’m glad your aim was off.”

He put his head in his hands. “It wasn’t. The door just got in the way.”

Cat glared at him again. “You are not making me feel better, Bucky. Stay there. I’ll get you some water.”

She walked back into the kitchen. “I was getting the blow-up mattress since you used mine as a barricade,” she called over her shoulder as she filled a glass at the sink.

“It’ll be safer for you if we stay in the same room,” he mumbled as she walked back over.

“Drink this.” Bucky took the glass and gave it a cautious sniff before gulping it down. The tilt of his head made the dark circles under his eyes stand out. "When was the last time you slept? Like really slept.”

He thought for a second. "I don’t know. Everyone’s been looking for me, so I can’t afford to stay in one place for long.”

She sighed. She knew what that was like. Even now, she had trouble sleeping through the night without her white noise machine on.

“How does this sound? I’ll put on some PJs, and come back in here to go through the Hydra file. While I’m doing that, I’ll listen for any strange sounds, and you can sleep.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Look, Bucky. I realize we just met, but this isn’t my first time on the run. I know how to be on alert. Plus, if you rest, you’ll be at 100 percent for when we do run into more agents.”

He mulled over her words. “When were you on the run before?”

“That’s a bit of a long story, and I don’t want to be mostly naked for it.” She motioned to her robe. “Let me change first.”

After a few minutes, she walked back into the living room in her favorite pajamas covered in snow skiing penguins. She sat on the floor in front of Bucky and pulled a photo album from under the couch.

“When I was four, my dad joined a cult.” She opened the book to a photo of a young Cat standing next to a girl a little older than her. Both wore white dresses and shiny, black Mary Jane shoes. Behind them was a woman in a floral dress holding a baby. Next to them stood a man in a powder blue suit.

“It didn’t seem like a cult at first. It seemed like any other church, except we met in a community meeting room instead of a building with a steeple. We met every Sunday. The pastor preached love and tolerance. From what I remember, it was very positive. Eventually, we raised enough money to buy our own building. That was when things started to change.”

She flipped the page to show him another photo. It was a group shot of what he assumed was the congregation in front of a large red warehouse. A cross had been mounted onto the front, but the shape looked slightly deformed.

“The pastor began demanding more of us. First, it was more money to add things to the church, then it was more time. Eventually, members were encouraged to simply move into the church, so they could always be on call when needed. People sold all their belongings to move into cramped Sunday school rooms.”

She paused as the memories began flooding back. This wasn’t something she liked to talk about even if it directly influenced her life and at the moment, her work. Remembering how she had lived always left her feeling queasy. Bucky watched the emotions play across her face.

“You don’t have to tell me this if it makes you uncomfortable.”

She held up her hand to stop him. “No, you need to know where I’m coming from, and why the file is important to me.”

“My dad worked his way up the ranks within the church to be an associate pastor. He said it was what God called him to do, that God had spoken to him in a vision. This meant that my mom, my sister, my brother, and I had to be model church members. We need to be an example of how others should be.

This required a lot. My brother Eli was still very small, so it didn’t mean as much for him, but my sister Beatrice and I were older. If we did anything against the church’s teaching, not only were we punished, but we were also made a public example. Our sins were called out during the daily services so everyone would know what we had done. This was really hard for my sister. She was getting older and beginning to question the way things were done.

A few years after we moved in, the church elders started asking anyone turning 18 to join something they called God’s Army. We were told they would go away for training, but I don’t remember anyone ever coming back. Beatrice didn’t want to go away. I would wake up in the middle of the night to hear her crying.

The night before she was supposed to leave, our mom woke us up. She told us to get dressed and stay quiet. She led us out to a car, handed us the keys and a slip of paper with an address. She told us the people there would help us get away. I didn’t want to leave her, but she said she would only slow us down. So we left.”

During the story, Cat had avoided looking directly at Bucky. She didn’t want to see the judgment that came any time she told it. When she finally looked up, it wasn’t judgment in his eyes, but fury.

“You’ve been running this entire time?”

“No, only for the first few years. It turns out there was a network dedicated to getting people out of God’s Army. It wasn’t just our church doing this. There were hundreds of others.

The network was able to give us a home with a family in Georgia. My sister went to college, and I was enrolled in high school. My senior year, there was a standoff at the church. The FBI had been tipped off that kids were disappearing. When they came to question the pastor, he locked all the doors. I still haven’t been able to find out what exactly happened. I just know there was an explosion. My brother and mom died in the blast. Everyone assumed my dad died, too. That’s why I wanted to get my hands on the file.”

She stopped to tuck the album back under the couch before standing up and taking a seat next to Bucky.

“What does Hydra have to do with your father’s cult?”

“I think Hydra is behind the cult.”

“So you’re hoping the file tells you what happened?”

“I’m hoping the file tells me where my dad is now.”


	6. Kill or capture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when they started to feel safe...

“You think your father is still alive?” Bucky asked. Given everything he’d been through, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

Cat nodded. “I think they used the explosion as a cover for the church elders to get away. Mom and Eli were basically human sacrifices to sell the idea that everyone had died.

Bucky put his head in his hands. Here he was running from Hydra, running from everything they had made him, only to run into someone running straight at the organization for the same reasons.

"You know this is going to get you killed.”

She sat back and looked at him. “It’s worth it if I can get my answers.”

“What are you hoping those answers will get you? Your mother helped you and your sister get out for a reason. ”

His words hit her with force. “I’ve thought about that night at least once a day since then. About why she wouldn’t go with us. My sister says it’s because she would’ve been easier to track, but I don’t know. All I do know is that her death deserves meaning. People need to know this isn’t over, especially if it’s tied to Hydra.”

Bucky shook his head. “You need sleep.”

“You need it more.”

Before he could argue with her, she interrupted. “Look. We already established that you’re running on nothing but nerves at this point. Get some sleep. I’m going to start working on the file.”

“Okay, but when the sun comes up, we move again. Hydra will find your place soon. I did what I could, but it still isn’t completely secure.”

Cat smiled at him. “I’ll get you a blanket.” The image of her tucking in the feared Winter Soldier did seem ridiculous, but so did everything else in the last few hours.

After grabbing one, she picked up the file from the kitchen counter. “Here’s your blanket.”

Bucky took the blanket but gave it a dubious look. He wasn’t sure he should leave her on watch. Cat could tell what he was thinking.

“Look, Bucky, I couldn’t sleep right now even if I tried. I’ll be right here on the floor going through all this. If I hear the slightest noise, I’ll wake you up. Promise.”

He nodded and reclined back on the couch. It wasn’t long before Cat heard light snoring.

The file wasn’t as clear as Cat would’ve liked. While it did include reports of a training camp for Hydra, it didn’t specifically say where it was located. Some documents appeared to be in code and others were redacted. This was going to take more than a few hours of work to fully understand.

The sun was beginning to break through the barricaded windows when Cat finally started to yawn. She got up to make some coffee, careful not to disturb Bucky. The first drips of coffee started to fall into the pot when he finally moved.

“Good morning, Sunshine. Would you like some coffee?”

Bucky lumbered into her small kitchen, his blue eyes still bleary with sleep. “Sure.”

Cat reached into the cabinet and retrieved a mug that read “I need coffee before my coffee” and handed it to him. “There’s sugar next to the coffee maker and creamer in the fridge.”

“Thanks, but I drink it black. Sugar and creamer were luxuries when I was a kid.”

“Grew up poor?”

“Not poor. My family did okay for the neighborhood we were in. Just a different time.”

Cat frowned at him. Something wasn’t connected right.

“Bucky, how old are you exactly?”

He stared at her for a moment. The tension was back in his stance like he was prepared to run. “What year is it now?”

“2014.”

Bucky paused to do the math in his head. “That makes me 97 or so.”

“What? 97? I know Hydra was involved in some strange experiments, but you seriously expect me to believe you’re 97?”

He just shrugged and took a small sip of his coffee to check the temperature before taking a larger swig.

Cat returned to her coffee and let the conversation sink in.

“Bucky. Is that short for Buchanan?”

Bucky continued to concentrate on his coffee without giving her answer.

“Holy shit! Are you Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes?”

“That’s what the display at the Smithsonian says.” He continued to avoid eye contact. “I remember things in flashes, but nothing makes much sense.”

Cat took a step towards him. If what he was saying was true, this was the greatest story since aliens dropped out of the sky over New York. “So what did Hydra do to you? You’re supposed to be dead.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

She bit her lip. She was forgetting that he was a person, not just a potential lead story.

The conversation dropped off while they finished their coffees. Cat was just about to excuse herself to change when Bucky asked how her research had gone.

“Well, I found out there is some sort of Hydra-run youth camp. Couldn’t get a clear read on where, but I do know it’s in a mountainous area. I was actually going to ask you to take a look at some papers. They’re written in code, and I was hoping you might recognize it.”

He motioned for her to show him. Cat set down her mug and went to grab the papers from the living room. Just as she reached for the file, the love seat propped against the nearby window was shredded by gunfire. She immediately fell to the ground. From the kitchen, she heard Bucky yell, “Cat, don’t stand up. Crawl back over here.”

She quickly gathered up the file and army crawled back to the kitchen. As soon as she was back on the tile floor, Bucky jerked the refrigerator away from the wall to shield them from the hail of gunfire.

“Are you okay?” He pulled her up to a sitting position and looked her over for any obvious wounds.

“I’m fine.”

“They’re trying to force us out the door. My best guess is there’s a team waiting outside.”

“So how do we get out? That’s the only way unless they stop shooting and you can jump three stories without breaking bones.”

Bucky looked around her kitchen trying to put together a plan.

“Does anyone live next door to you?”

Cat shook her head. “It’s empty right now. Management is renovating it.”

“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Before she could ask what he was up to, Bucky leaped over the counter. Crouching low in the hallway, he gained a quick burst of speed and crashed through the wall into the next apartment.

Just as she had said, it was vacant. Bucky crept to the door and listened for any sounds in the hallway. He heard a shuffling noise on the other side. Risking a quick peek through the peephole, he counted at least three people in tactical gear.

He stepped back and planted a powerful kicked into the door sending it and one gunman flying across the hallway. The others had been trained on the door to Cat’s apartment but scrambled to aim at Bucky. He grabbed the nearest barrel pointed at him and jerked the operative towards him. Grabbing him by the throat, he easily tossed him over the railing to plunge to the ground.

As he was turning to deal with the others, one opened fire. Bucky threw up his metal arm to shield himself from the bullets. One ricocheted off and hit an operative who fell to the ground with a grunt. That left one more he had seen through the peephole as well as two more he hadn’t.

Bucky grabbed the fallen operative and used him as a human shield to get closer to the last three. When he was close enough, he threw the body at one knocking him down the stairway. He was close enough to another to grab him and shove him into the last man. The two fell against Cat’s door hard enough to knock it down, but Bucky wasn’t far behind. He stepped through the doorway and punched one man hard enough to give him a concussion. The last man was desperately trying to crawl away. Bucky stepped on his leg right behind the knee to dislocate it. The man cried out in pain.

Bucky crouched next to him. “Was it a kill or capture order?”

“Fuck you,” the operative spit in his face.

Bucky grabbed the man’s head and slammed it into the ground once. “Was it a kill or capture order?”

Cat peeked over the kitchen counter. “Bucky, what does it matter? Let’s go!”

“It matters,” he said without taking his eyes off the operative. “Last time. Was it a kill or capture?”

“Go to hell, Winter Soldier.” The operative’s tongue moved in his mouth to dislodge a cyanide capsule. “Hail Hydra!” He jerked a few times as foam filled his mouth.

“Oh, god! Is he dead?”

“We need to go. Come on.”

Cat couldn’t move. She thought she was prepared for what was ahead. She thought she could handle whatever nasty business Hydra would throw at her, but she hadn’t thought it would include this much death.

Bucky grabbed his go bag and Cat’s purse. Stepping into the kitchen, he pushed the refrigerator out of the way and grabbed Cat’s hand. “Let’s go!” He gently pulled her out of the kitchen and towards the door. Before stepping through, he quickly checked for anyone who may be hiding. Not seeing anyone, they walked out. Instead of taking the stairs, he walked towards one end of the open hallway.

“Cat, I’m going to pick you up now.”

She didn’t respond, only continued to clutch the file to her chest in a death grip. Bucky gently shook her arm.

“Cat? Catherine? Did you hear me?”

She blinked a few times before looking at him. “What? Yes.”

“Okay. Here. Hold your purse.”

Bucky lifted Cat into his arms and ran towards the railing. Just as they reached it, he jumped over it. Cat gasped as they fell, but Bucky landed on his feet.

“We need to find a car.” He put her down and started walking towards the parking lot opposite of where she had parked.

“What’s wrong with mine?”

“They know where you live. They know what you drive.”

Cat shrugged. Of course, he was right.

Bucky found a late model car that was easy to hotwire.

“Where are we headed?”

“North until I find someplace for us to hide.”

“There’s a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house in West Virginia.”

He glanced at her before returning his eyes to the road. “How do you know about that?”

“It was listed in one of the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. files.” Cat was quite proud of herself for remembering that obscure bit of information. It had only been mentioned once in a dull write up about the search for a rumored Asgardian artifact.

“Then that’s where we’re headed.”


	7. Safe house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Bucky and Cat to put some distance between themselves and Hydra agent.

Cat started to plug in the coordinates of the safe house into her phone, but Bucky stopped her.

“They’ll be able to track us. You should probably turn it off.”

Realizing he had a point, she powered off her phone.

“Well, without some sort of directions, I can’t get us there. I know where it is, but I’ve never been to that part of West Virginia.”

“Have you ever used a road map before?”

“It’s been a while, but yeah.”

Bucky pulled off the main highway and started following back roads headed towards West Virginia. He wasn’t sure how he knew where he was headed, but if he had to guess, it was left over in his brain from a previous mission. Glancing over at Cat, he noticed she seemed lost in thought. She was staring out the window but didn’t seem to be looking at anything.

“I’m sorry about your apartment.”

She sighed. “It’s just stuff. The only thing I wish I could’ve grabbed is my photo album. Those are the only pictures I have of my mom and brother.”

Bucky tried to think back to his past. The memories seemed blurry as if a film covered them. He could vaguely see faces, hear distant voices, and remember certain feelings attached to each. What he wouldn’t give to have a picture of someone he cared about.  
He wondered if anyone out there missed him. On the hellicarrier, Steve had said they had been friends. Said he was with him till the end of the line. It had sounded like a promise. Was Steve looking for him? Would he worry? Or was he disappointed that his former friend had turned into an enemy?

Bucky glanced down to his hands on the steering wheel. How many people had they killed? He knew in his heart that he hadn’t been a killer before. If he had been, he wouldn’t be helping Cat now. He wanted her to find answers about her past so she wouldn’t be left feeling like him. Feeling like something was gone forever. He flexed his left arm watching the metal rotate under the bullet holes in his jacket.

He kept an eye out on gas stations as he drove. Spotting one that looked like it may not have security cameras; he pulled in. “Let’s check here for a roadmap.” Hearing Cat’s stomach growl, he added, “And some food.”

She smiled as she climbed out of the car. Suddenly, Cat was aware that she was still dressed in her pajamas. “Hey, Bucky, do you think we could stop and get some clothes, too? While I’m very comfortable, I feel like the snow skiing penguins are going to eventually draw some attention.”

Bucky sighed. He hadn’t thought about her clothes.

“You go ahead inside. I’ll be a few minutes.”

As soon as she had disappeared inside, Bucky walked behind the gas station where he had noticed a house on the other side of a fence. He hopped over. The house was an older clapboard home. The paint was peeling and the screen door was hanging at an odd angle, but there were signs of life. The yard had been mowed recently and freshly laundered clothes hung from a line strung between two trees. He listened for any sounds coming from the house; nothing except the squeak of the screen door moving with the wind.

Deciding it was safe to go inside, he crept up to the back porch and tried the door. It opened. The kitchen was outdated but homey. The stove and refrigerator were a rusted turquoise and had clearly been there for a few decades. A bowl of plums sat on a white enamel table in the center of the room. Bucky grabbed two and shoved them into his pocket for later. He hadn’t come in for food. He was looking for clothes and cash.

In the far corner, he spotted a purse sitting on top of a cabinet. Lightly stepping across the checkered tile, he made it over without creating even a squeak from the floor. Inside the purse, he found a wad of tissues, some peppermints, and a wallet with a few twenties stuffed inside. Part of him felt guilty for stealing, but he had someone to watch out for. He and Cat wouldn’t get far without money.

Once he had returned the wallet to the purse, Bucky quickly crossed the kitchen and was out the door. There was a pair of pants and a t-shirt hanging from the clothesline that appeared to be about Cat’s size. He snatched them off sending clothes pins flying.  
He hopped back over the fence to meet Cat standing by the car. Her arms were full of snacks and a map of West Virginia. She eyed the clothes he was holding.

“It looks like you did a little shopping of your own.”

Bucky didn’t say anything as he unlocked the car and threw the clothes in the back seat. Cat opened the back door and dumped her snacks next to the clothes. Soon they were back on their way to the safe house.

“Thank you for the clothes by the way. I do appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” Bucky mumbled under his breath.


	8. The cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Cat make it to the safe house.

Cat climbed into the backseat to change into the clothes Bucky had gotten for her. The jeans turned out to be a little big, but she was able to tighten the waistband by using some paper clips she found in a cup holder. He hadn’t brought her any shoes, so she was just going to have to wear her bedroom slippers until she could find something else. It would do.

She grabbed a pack of peanut butter and cheese crackers before climbing back into her seat in the front. Her stomach growled as she tore into the plastic packaging.

“I’ve never been so happy to see crackers. Would you like one?”

Bucky shook his head and dug into his pocket. Pulling out the plums he’d stolen earlier, he tossed one to Cat before taking a bite out of his.

“Clothes and plums?” she laughed. “You’re spoiling me.”

He smiled. “I always loved plums. Couldn’t get them all year, so when the produce stand finally had them, we were always first in line.”

Cat cocked her head to the side. “Who’s we?”

Bucky’s smile faded with the memory that had floated through his mind. “I don’t know. I didn’t even realize I had that memory until I bit into the plum.”

“That’s good though, right? You remembered something.”

“I remembered I like plums,” he growled. “That still doesn’t tell me anything about who I am.”

Cat put a comforting hand on his arm. “No, but it’s a start. You’re on a journey. It’s going to take time for you to sort out who you are from who Hydra tried to make you.”

He glanced down at her hand. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time anyone had offered him comfort. This woman had every reason to run away from him, but she had let him into her home, kept watch so he could sleep, and was now telling him that there was hope beyond all of this. At that moment, he knew he would make sure she got the answers she was looking for. Kindness was a rarity. She deserved to be shown some in return.

“Is that what you went through?” he asked as he returned his eyes to the road.

A very large sigh escaped Cat’s lips. “Yes. It’s hard when you’ve been raised to think one way, but part of you knows that isn’t the truth. It takes a while to sort out your real beliefs. There’s guilt because you’re going against so much of what you were taught. Then there’s guilt because of how long you spent thinking all these horrible things were normal. I still deal with it now.”

She looked out the window as the countryside rolled by. A few minutes later she reached into the back and grabbed the map from the seat. “Okay. Let’s plot our course to the safe house.”

________________________________________

The sun was beginning to set as they pulled onto a dirt road. It was almost completely overgrown making it very difficult to see from the road they’d turned off. In fact, Bucky had passed it three times while Cat insisted it had to be somewhere nearby.

The car bumped along the just clearing a few large humps and dips. Bucky, utilizing muscle memory he wasn’t aware of developing, kept the tiny car moving forward. “You’re sure this is it?”

Cat threw up her hands in frustration. “I don’t know. If I could turn on my phone, I could give you a definite answer, but we’re just going to have to chance it.”

In spite of his passenger’s frustration, Bucky couldn’t help but smile. It felt good to have someone this comfortable around him. Just ahead of them the road gave way into a clearing. An A-frame cabin stood in the center.

“This is it!” Cat squealed.

As they parked, he eyed the cabin. The home looked in better shape than it should’ve given the state of the road they had just used.

“Wait here.”

He knew the sound of the car pulling up would’ve caught the attention of anyone inside, so he didn’t even bother trying to be quiet as he approached the house. First, he tried the door. It was locked. Listening for a few seconds, he couldn’t hear any noise coming from inside. Bucky looked back towards the car and motioned for Cat to stay there before heading around to the back of the cabin. 

Cat chewed on her lip nervously. She knew Bucky was paranoid for a reason, but she still hated waiting. A familiar pit opened in her stomach. It was the same feeling she’d had the night she and her sister had fled the church. What if someone from Hydra had beaten them here somehow? What if they hurt Bucky? She was resourceful when it came to looking out for herself, but she wasn’t sure how well she could look after herself and another person if they had to run again.

As tendrils of fear clamped around her throat threatening to cut off her air, Bucky opened the front door from the inside.

“It’s clear. You can come in.”

She released the breath she had been holding. Luck had swung in their favor today.


	9. Meanwhile, back at the hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve needs to find Bucky. He knows his old friend is still in there somewhere. But first, he has to get out of the hospital.

Steve opened his eyes. The sunlight spilled in through the window in his hospital room making him blink a few times. Today was the day he would be discharged.

He swung his legs off the bed to sit up. While his bones had mended quickly thanks to the super serum, the doctors had wanted to keep him around a few more days to monitor his brain for any signs of trauma. He may be a super soldier, but much of his healing ability was still untested.

Steve got up and walked to the window. Outside trees swayed in the spring breeze. People walked by as if the entire world hadn’t almost ended. Behind him, the door opened. Sam walked carrying a bag with a change of clothes. He couldn’t very well leave in his bloodied Captain America suit.

“So how you feeling?”

“Good I guess.” He walked over towards Sam to take the bag. “Ready to go home. I spent too much time in hospitals when I was a kid.”

“I feel you. The charge nurse said the doctor should be in here soon.” Sam motioned to the bathroom. “Might as well get dressed while you wait.”

“Thanks.” Steve offered Sam a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. "Still don’t mind me staying at your place for a while?” His apartment was still a mess after Fury was shot and he had to chase after The Winter Soldier.

"Stay as long as you like. We need to stop by the cemetery first,” Sam paused and gave him a hard stare. “Time to pay our respects to Fury.”

Steve nodded before closing the door. That meant they had a meeting with Fury and Natasha. Both were trying to dig up any information they could on what had happened to Bucky after he fell from the train more than half a century ago. His heart clenched. He should’ve gone back to find him. Bucky had been his friend, his family, his life. Even if he had died, Steve at least owed him a proper funeral. What kind of friend did that make him?

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and pulled on the shirt. Slowly, he looked up at his reflection. Leaning closer, he rested his hands on the edge of the sink. What did Bucky see when he looked in the mirror? He hoped there was some memory of who he had been. Steve had seen that recognition for a brief moment on the Hellicarrier. Maybe that’s why Bucky had pulled him from the river.

How could Hydra have used him, used them both, like that? The sink Steve had been holding onto cracked under his grip. He couldn’t bear to think of what all Bucky had gone through since the train. If he hadn’t already toppled Hydra, he would do it again to pay back everything they had done to his friend. He needed to find Bucky now. He needed to make sure he was safe; help him find his way again.

Sam knocked on the door. “You okay in there? Thought I heard something break.”

“I’m okay.”

Steve picked up the hospital gown he’d been wearing and opened the door. Sam waited for him to pass before peering inside the bathroom. The sink had a long crack running up the outside.

“I think that’s getting added to your bill.”


	10. Dinner time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is still coming to terms with who he is and what he's done. It's strange being in close proximity to someone who isn't afraid of him or trying to control him.

Walking into the cabin, Cat was immediately struck by how organized everything was. She could see the pantry in the kitchen from her spot. It was fully stocked with non-perishable foods. The dishes inside the open cabinets were neatly stacked and apparently free of dust. In the living area, the pillows on the couches were neatly arranged. A stack of magazines organized by color sat on the coffee table. Next to the fireplace was a wood box brimming with logs. There was a locked gun cabinet in the living area that she suspected was just a prop for anyone who might stumble on the place. There's no way S.H.I.E.L.D. would use regular rifles. All in all, it looked like a place someone would rent to get away for the weekend. Bucky had had a right to be suspicious. There hadn't been much security for a safe house.

"How did you get in?"

Bucky walked in behind her with the snacks and her pajamas from the car.

"I broke the lock on the backdoor."

"There wasn't an alarm or anything?"

"I ripped it out of the wall." Bucky set down his load on the kitchen counter. "If there was still a S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, someone would be on the way, but there isn't."

Cat nodded in agreement. There likely wasn't anyone left to take notice of their presence here. She hoped that meant it would be harder for Hydra to track them too.

Bucky headed back outside. "I'm going to hide the car just in case someone shows up. No point in making it obvious that we're here."

"Good idea."

With Bucky gone, Cat decided to explore the cabin. On the other side of the kitchen, were stairs that led her to a loft bedroom. The large bed wasn't much more than a mattress on the floor, but it looked comfy. In a wooden chest against the wall, she found several quilts and extra pillows. Next to the chest, stood a wardrobe. Opening it, she found changes of clothes for men and women in varying sizes, and below them something that she desperately needed: boots! 

She eagerly kicked off her bedroom slippers and tried on a pair that seemed to be her size. They fit! She was so excited about the shoes that she didn't hear Bucky come up the stairs. 

"Boots make you that happy?"

"Oh, god! Cat jumped and let out a small yelp. "You are really quiet."

Bucky took a small step back; a look of shame on his face. Cat quickly realized he was used to people being afraid of him and changed tactics. Motioning over to the wardrobe she said, "Take a look. Maybe you can find something in there that fits you. I'm sure you'd like a chance to change into something clean."

Bucky's head hung low he walked over to check out the clothes. Cat wasn't sure what to say to lift the emotional weight of his shoulders, so she decided to give him some space.

"I'm going to go to the kitchen and see if there's anything I can make us for dinner."

He didn't say anything as she walked down the stairs.

In the pantry, she found packages for beef stroganoff which she thought was odd. Would that mean there was meat in the fridge? Sure enough there were four packages of ground beef in the refrigerator. None of them had expired. This still left the question of how S.H.I.E.L.D. had kept this place stocked without wearing down the road. At the moment though, Cat was happy to have a warm meal to prepare and got to work.

A few minutes later, she heard a shower running. In her excitement over the boots, she hadn't noticed a bathroom upstairs, but clearly, Bucky had. She hoped that meant he had found some clothes that fit. There was a washer and dryer behind a curtain in the kitchen. With the meat browned and the noodles and spice packet simmering, she decided to gather his old clothes to wash. 

After she walked upstairs, she paused in front of the bathroom door. "Hey, Bucky, I'm going to wash my pajamas. Would you like me to wash your clothes too?"

He didn't say anything, but she heard movement under the water. A moment later, the door opened just enough for him to stick out his arm. The clothes clutched in his hand. Cat noticed he used his right arm and not his metal left arm. She wondered if that was intentional. 

"The food will be done in about 10 minutes."

His voice was so low that she almost didn't catch his "thank you" as he closed the door again.

She walked back to the kitchen and started the washing machine. As it filled, she went through his pockets to make sure he hadn't left anything important in them. They were empty of any knives, which are what she had expected to find, but she did find a slip of paper. It appeared to be a handout from the Smithsonian. It advertised the Captain America and the Howling Commandos exhibit. She shook her head. He was trying to piece together his past. Cat placed the paper on the kitchen table before putting his clothes into the washer and adding her own.

The timer went off signaling her that dinner was ready. She was spooning servings into bowls for them when Bucky walked down the stairs. He was wearing a red pull-over shirt with long sleeves. She noticed kept his arms covered a lot. Maybe he was sensitive about his arm. She suspected it was a reminder of what he had been as the Winter Soldier or perhaps he thought she would perceive him as a threat if he showed it.

"You're just in time." She flashed him a smile she hoped was reassuring as she held out a bowl. "Food's ready." 

Bucky took it without saying anything and sat down at the table. He noticed the Smithsonian flyer.

Cat sat down across from him. "Do you want to talk about it?" She motioned to the flyer.

He shook his head.

"That's okay. You don't have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. My therapist said it was better to tackle topics when I was ready, not when people wanted me to."

"Did it help?

"Did what help?"

"Seeing a therapist."

"It did. I got really lucky and found one who had helped other people who escaped cults, so she knew where I was coming from." 

He nodded as he started eating. The rest of their meal was eaten in silence. Cat wasn't sure if she should talk or leave him alone to his thoughts. When he got up to take his bowl to the sink, she decided his thoughts could stand a little break.

"You know I'm not afraid of you, right?"

He stopped. "I know," he mumbled.

"No, really." She jumped up and joined him at the sink. "You really don't. You just startled me. I'm used to being a little more aware of my surroundings, so when you managed to sneak up on me, I was surprised."

"I know, Cat. It wasn't you. It was the look on your face. I've seen that look to many times. Those faces aren't going to go away, are they?"

Now it was her turn to look ashamed. "Probably not." She chewed on her lip. 

"I'm not a therapist, but my advice is to try to make your life worthwhile. Do something to tip the scales away from all that."

"It won't bring any of them back."

"No, but it could make the lives of people still living a little better."

Bucky gave her a small smile. "Could I start by doing the dishes?"

Cat grinned back at him. "Are you teasing me? Well, I won't say no to not having to do the dishes."


	11. Codes and the camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat enlists Bucky's help in deciphering codes in the Hydra file. Is she finally close to finding her answers?

With Bucky doing the dishes, Cat took the opportunity to start a fire in the fireplace. The kindling sparked quickly. She rocked back on her heels in front of the growing fire. The one bright side to growing up in a cult was that she knew how to do things like chop firewood, change a tire, and fix leaky faucets. The Church didn't like to contact outsiders if it didn't have to, so they made sure all members knew how to be as self-sufficient as possible.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw that Bucky had placed her Hydra file on the coffee table. She opened it and began spreading out the documents. By the time Bucky joined her, she had sorted everything into piles: redacted papers, encoded papers, and papers she was pretty sure were useless. 

"Do you think you could help me with the code? I've had to crack encoded documents before, but this isn't anything I'm familiar with."

He picked up one of the papers and read over it for a few minutes. "I know this code. It's talking about a training camp for Hydra recruits. It lists some names of people the operative thought would be a good fit for a mission."

Cat leaned closer. "Does it say anything about God's Army?"

"No, it doesn't mention the name of the camp just that these particular recruits excelled at certain techniques."

"What about this one?" She grabbed the next paper in the pile and handed it to him. He quietly read for a few more minutes.

"This one is a message back to the operative telling him where the rendezvous point would be for the recruits being sent on the mission. Actually..." He trailed off. "Could you grab the road map from your purse? This road sounds familiar."

Cat ran to the kitchen where she had slung her purse over the back of a chair. She handed him the map which he spread out on the coffee table.

"Here!" He pointed at a road they had passed on the way to the cabin. "It mentions meeting near here."

"Could that mean the camp is close by?"

He shrugged. "It's a possibility. A remote place like this would be an excellent place to hide a training camp designed to destroy the world." 

Bucky saw the glimmer of hope grow in her eyes. "Don't get too excited. What's your plan if you find this camp? You can't exactly dismantle it yourself."

"Well, my original plan was to report it to the Avengers, but that was before Hydra agents shot up my apartment. I guess reaching out to Tony Stark would notify the guys tracking us of where we are, huh?"

Bucky shrugged. "If I were hunting you, it's what I would do." As soon as he realized what he'd said, Bucky shut down again.

"Hey, don't do that." She grabbed his shoulders to force him to look at her. "You're not that person anymore. You can maintain the knowledge of who you were without still being that guy."

He pulled one of her hands off his shoulder and held it. He turned it over and took in every detail. Such a tiny hand had the ability to help end a terrible organization. She was one person picking a fight with a group that had spread its tentacles across the globe without much thought of what that could mean for her life. 

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you. I want to find out what happened to my family."

"Is that really it?"

"Yeah."

He smirked and let her take her hand back. "Right. 'Cause you got nothing to prove."  
"Okay. You got me. I also want to make sure no one else gets sucked into that cult. I want to watch it burn, so it can't hurt anyone else like it did me and my sister." 

She reminded him of someone. The memory was just on the edges of his consciousness. He vaguely remembered fights in alleys, defending someone smaller than himself. He shook his head as if the action would shake loose the gates holding those memories back. When he looked up again, Cat was staring at him. There was concern in her eyes.

"You should get some sleep." She stood up and folded the map placing it next to the file as she gathered up the papers to place back inside. "I'd argue with you about who gets the couch, but I know you'd feel safer being closer to the door. There are extra blankets and pillows upstairs. I'll grab some for you."

"Thank you."

The exhaustion of the past two days hit her as she walked back up the stairs. She hadn't slept at all last night and only grabbed a few minutes here and there in the car. As tired as she was, she was a little worried about what dreams would come tonight. Bucky could protect her from a lot but not nightmares. 

Gathering a blanket and pillow from the chest next to the bed, she brought them down to Bucky. She found him nodding off from his spot on the couch. He reminded her slightly of her brother. He would nod off during Bible study the same way. Sometimes she had caught him falling asleep as he read out loud. He father hadn't liked it, but she thought it was adorable.

Cat gently covered Bucky with the blanket and placed the pillow next to him on the couch in case he decided he needed it later. As she turned to head to her own bed for the night, her eyes started to sting. No, she would not cry now. There had been plenty of tears leading up to this moment. She didn't want to shed anymore until this was over.


	12. He knew me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam knows Steve is in for a fight. This one won't be fought with fists though.

Steve clutched the file Natasha had given him at the cemetery. Part of him needed to know what Hydra had made Bucky do as the Winter Soldier, but Nat was right. It would be pulling on a thread that would unravel something. He just wasn't sure what yet.

He was back at Sam's house. He was supposed to be relaxing. That was what the doctor had told him before discharging him. But Steve couldn't relax. 

"You just gonna to stand there all night?" Sam asked as he walked into the living room. 

Steve looked down at the file and back at him. Sam knew that look. It was the look of a soldier who no longer had someone giving him orders and yet he was expected to complete a mission. "We can go through the file together if you want."

Thanks." Steve shook his head. "This is something I need to do myself though."

Sam shrugged it off. "That's cool. I get it. Bucky was your friend."

"Is my friend," Steve interrupted. 

"Is your friend. But the Winter Soldier isn't. The dude you're going to find in that file isn't Bucky. There's going to be things you can't reconcile with the guy you grew up with back in Brooklyn."

"I know, Sam."

"So what are you hoping to find?"

Steve wasn't sure. "Something that helps me reach him I guess. Maybe if I know what they made him, I can find a way to bring him back."

"You're not giving up hope that he's too far gone?"

Steve shook his head. "He knew me, Sam. For a moment on the Hellicarrier, he knew me. I saw it in his eyes."

"Well, then I'll leave you to it." Sam turned to leave the room but stopped. "If you're dead set on going through it tonight, you might want to use the kitchen. I stocked up on coffee if you drink that sort of thing."


	13. Unhappy dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat wakes up from a nightmare, Bucky shows off his cooking skills, and something deadly is found hiding in the cabin.

Fitful dreams floated through Cat's mind. In the first, she was back in the Church being forced to sit through another one of the daily sermons about not questioning authority. She kept trying to yell that they were wrong, but every time she opened her mouth her voice came out as a whisper. In the next, her mother was pushing her and her sister towards the car and telling them to run. She tried to grab her mom's arm, but her hand went right through her. The last dream was the worst. In it, she was at the compound on the day of the raid. She could see her mom and brother huddled in the corner of a room with a group of equally frightened mothers and children. Cat wanted to tell them to get out, but no one seemed to be able to see or hear her. Just as the explosion went off, she woke up.

Gripping the sheets, it took her a moment to realize where she was. The walls of the cabin had a warm glow from the sun peeking through the open windows downstairs. She could hear Bucky in the kitchen making breakfast. Pots and pans clinked together and the smell of bacon frying in a skillet wafted up to her room. A deep sigh drained her of the remaining tension left over from the dream. She guessed it was time to see what sort of cooking skills this former assassin had.

She walked down the stairs to see a sink piled high with dishes and a table covered in food. There were scrambled eggs, fried eggs, eggs over easy, hardboiled eggs. There was fresh fruit, toast, various jams and jellies, and of course, bacon.

"Bucky, where did you get all this?" She had seen the inside of the refrigerator last night, and there hadn't been any fruit and not nearly enough eggs for all of this.

"I woke up early and went into town." Bucky pulled out a chair at the table and motioned for her to sit. "Don't worry. I checked the perimeter before I left and set some traps just in case anyone tried to get in while I was gone."

Cat sat down. "So what inspired this foray into Iron Chef?"

He looked at her for a second as if trying to decode what she just said. She saw his expression and decided to help him out. "It's a TV show. Each week there's a new cooking challenge."

He nodded finally understanding. "I wanted to see if I could remember how to cook."

That was quite possibly one of the cutest things she could imagine the Winter Soldier doing. "Well, let's give it all a taste test."

They dug into the food in silence interrupted only occasionally by Cat moaning her approval. When they were full, she leaned back in her chair and patted her belly. 

"The judges agree. Bucky, you are the Iron Chef."

"That's good, right?"

"It's very good."

His lips stretched into a grin. "I'll take your plate. You go relax."

Cat plopped down on the couch and picked up one of the magazines on the coffee table. As she was flipping through, she came across two pages stuck together. It took some deft work with her nails, but she managed to pull them apart. That's when the gun case on the wall moved. 

Bucky ran into the room as the cabinet slid against the wall to reveal a hole in the floor.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I was looking at a magazine."

"There must've been a trigger rigged into it somehow."

With careful steps, Bucky neared the hole. Cat wasn't far behind.

"Should we look to see what's down there?"

He shook his head. "You stay here. I'll check it out."

Stairs led down into the dark. Once he left the light, he felt for each step with his foot before taking the next. It didn't take long to reach the floor. As soon as his feet landed, lights flickered on. He realized there must be a motion detector.

"What's down there?" Cat called from above.

The room was mostly bare except for a desk with a computer and a gun case that took up one entire wall. This wasn't like the case upstairs though. The guns ranged from high tech stun guns to something that looked like it shot some type of laser.  
"Weapons. Lots of them."

"Can I come down?"

Bucky walked back to the stairs and motioned for Cat to join him.

Once she had, she walked over to the case. "Wow! These are incredible." Her hand hovered over one of the guns. "I'm a little intimidated."

"These will come in handy when we check out the road."

"I don't know how to shoot anything like this. The last time I shot a gun was high school."

Bucky was getting used to Cat saying things that didn’t quite make sense. Most of it he could write off as times changing while he had been on ice, but why would a teenager learn to shoot guns as part of her schooling? "Was this a requirement?"

She gave a halfhearted laugh. “It wasn’t actually in school. My sister was dating a cop. He thought I should know how to use a handgun in case any of the cult members found us."

Bucky filed that bit of information away to ask about later.

Cat wandered over to the computer. "Do you think this was used to send secret messages or something?"

"It's a possibility."

"How did you send messages when you were in the field?"

"I had a handler. Until DC, I was never expected to communicate directly with the people giving me orders."

"What changed in DC?"

"Alexander Pierce."

"The head of S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Bucky nodded. "He was more," Bucky paused searching for the right words, "Hands on."

Cat felt like there was more to that, but Bucky didn't seem like he was in the mood to unpack any emotional baggage, so she focused on the computer. A button on the side glowed red. Cat decided to push it. The computer made a strangled sound as it powered on. The S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia popped up on the screen followed by a field for a password and username.

"I'm not a hacker. I don't know how to make this work."

"Leave it. The guns are more important."

Cat wanted to spend some extra time trying to figure out the computer, but Bucky wanted to check out the road while they still had daylight. He grabbed a rifle and a handgun, checked the ammunition, and headed for the stairs.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Cat asked as she followed him back up.

"If you're up to it. You might recognize someone."


	14. To the cross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Cat make a trek through the woods in hopes of finding something that will lead them to the mysterious God's Army. Is Cat prepared to face her memories and trauma head on?

They walked out of the cabin to where Bucky had hidden the car behind some bushes.

"So what's the plan?"

"Nothing big right now. I want to case the area. See if there are any obvious signs of a rendezvous. Maybe see if we can find the camp's location."

"Then what?"

"Then we make another plan."

"It doesn't sound like much of a plan."

"The idea is to stay alive, right? You don't want to run in without knowing what you're getting into."

"Good point."

The car bumped back down the road to the highway.

"Have you figured out why this road is so overgrown, but the cabin is so well kept?"

"I did a perimeter check while you were asleep. There's a small circle burnt into the ground behind the house. It's just big enough to stand in. My guess is that S.H.I.E.L.D. is using some kind of transport device to move someone to the cabin to keep it stocked and cleaned. Well, they were at least."

Cat nodded. "When I was digging through the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. documents from Natasha Romanoff, there were mentions of technology I'd never seen before. Wish I could still access them. Maybe that would give us some more clues."

"It doesn't matter right now. We don't even know how long we'll be using the cabin."

They continued along in silence. Cat wondered what their next move would be if they found anyone today. Would it bring her any closer to finding her father? She had meant what she told Bucky about making sure this didn't happen to anyone else. She knew the weight it put on the survivors. She loved her sister, but seeing each other seemed to remind them of who they no longer had. They texted each other, but they hadn't spent a holiday together in years. It hurt too much.

Bucky interrupted the silence. "When we get there, I want you to stick close to me. I don't think anyone will be there, but if they are, I want you to tell me if they look familiar."

She nodded. "Is it weird that I'm a little scared right now?"

"Of what?"

"Answers. I've spent most of my life hiding from the Church, but now that I'm actually in a position to find out what happened to my family, I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen."

"You're afraid of what you'll find out." It came out as a statement rather than a question. Bucky knew exactly how she felt. It was the same way he felt about his life. He wanted to know who he was and finally connect all the seemingly random dots floating around in his memory, but that would mean facing some hard truths about himself. He wasn't sure he was ready.

"Yeah. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, I think it just makes you human."

She smiled a little at that. "Thanks, Bucky. I'm glad I met you."

Soon they turned onto the road described in the file.

"Duck down until I park."

She scooted down till she was sitting on the floorboard. "I'm fine with this, but why exactly am I hiding?"

"For the same reason I want you here, identification. You may know someone, but they might also recognize you."

"Good point."

She sat perfectly still until he pulled off the road.

"I didn't see anyone, but the rendezvous point is just ahead. We'll cut through the woods just in case anyone is using the road."

"Gotcha."

Bucky slung a rifle onto his shoulder. Cat wasn’t sure what kind of gun it was, but it had a special cylinder attached to the muzzle. A silencer maybe? Bucky showed her how to move through the woods without making much noise. She had the impression that he had taught before and briefly wondered who. He motioned for her to stop and pointed to a spot on the road they were walking parallel to. "That's it," he whispered. "Wait here."

Cat sat down beside a tree while Bucky walked closer to the rendezvous point. He took a moment to survey the area, looking for any hidden cameras or motion sensors; anything that would give away their location. When he didn't see anything, he stepped out into the road.  
He looked around before turning back to the direction where she was hiding. His gaze narrowed on something just in front of her before walking towards back.

"There's a marking on this tree." He stopped a few feet from her hiding spot. "It looks familiar, but I can't place it. Do you recognize it?"

She got up and approached the spot he was pointing to. As soon as she looked at it, she felt as if she'd been punched. She knew it immediately. It was a strange cross symbol highlighted by red spray paint. The cross was inverted with a halo and dove resting in the middle. "It's a variation on the Cross of St. Peter. The Church used it because they said the cross upside down would symbolize the distress of the world and the salvation offered."

She swayed on her feet for a moment before Bucky reached out to steady her. "Do we need to go?"

"I'm fine." She steeled herself and walked back to her hiding spot. "Let's do this."


	15. When you walk through the fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone finally arrives at the rendezvous point but not who Cat and Bucky were expecting.

Bucky could appreciate Cat’s resolve, but he knew this was tearing her apart inside. It’s one thing to want to face your demons. Actually facing them down is something else entirely.

They hid back in the tree line keeping an eye on the road for any signs of movement. After several hours, Bucky was just starting to settle in. He was used to waiting as long as it took for his target to show. Cat, on the other hand, was starting to fidget.

“How much longer should we wait?” she whispered. She was tugging at her pant legs in an attempt to get more comfortable.

“Until someone shows up.”

“We aren’t prepared for that. We didn’t bring any food or water.” Cat looked around. “What if it starts to rain?”

Without taking his eyes from the road, Bucky deadpanned, “This isn’t the right weather for rain. No moisture in the air.”

She cocked her head to the side. “It’s weird that you know that.”

 “That’s not even close to the weirdest thing I know,” he smirked.  “Now quiet. We don’t want to give ourselves away.”

She crossed her arms and scowled at the road. After everything they’d been through, she supposed it shouldn’t surprise her that he was used to this. Still, her idea of a good time did not involve sitting on leaves and rocks in the middle of the forest.

Another hour passed. Cat had finally fallen asleep. After watching her slump forward and wake up a few times, Bucky put his arm around her shoulders and guided her head to rest against him. She was currently using his shoulder as a very firm pillow. For some reason, her light snoring soothed him. It felt good to have someone trust him enough to fall asleep on him.

In the distance, he heard something coming. Whatever it was needed new shocks because it was squeaking and groaning with every bump. Soon a faded yellow pickup truck appeared in a cloud of dust stopping just in front of their hiding spot. Bucky gently elbowed Cat awake as a young man got out of the passenger side. He was tall, over six feet, with blond hair in a military cut. Cat gasped.

“You know him?” Bucky whispered. She nodded.

The blond turned giving them both a view of the right side of his face. It was shiny with strange wrinkles in a few places. Bucky recognized that pattern. The kid had been burned at some point. Guessing from the color, it wasn’t recent. The burn scars crept down his neck and arms disappearing under his shirt. If Bucky had to guess, the entire right side of the young man’s body was covered in them. Looking back up, he noticed there was something off about his right eye. He couldn’t tell from this distance exactly what was different, just that it didn’t seem to match his left eye.

Another man, older, sporting fatigues and a grey-haired crew cut, stepped out of the driver’s side. “You sure someone tripped the signal? I don’t see anyone.”

The blond man shrugged. “The system could be acting up again. I’ll have IT run a scan when we get back.”

The pair got back into the truck. The blond was just closing his door when Cat’s foot slipped from underneath her scattering pebbles down the hill. The men paused and looked at each other before getting back out.

“You heard that?” the older one asked.

“Yep,” replied the blond as he stared into the woods trying to see who or what was there. His eyes seemed to narrow onto the exact spot where Cat and Bucky were hiding. “Probably just a squirrel.” He didn’t sound too convinced.

“We better check it out.”

As the two men walked towards the woods, Bucky unshouldered the rifle he had brought from the safe house and aimed it towards the other side of the road. Cat held her breath and for the first time in her adult life, prayed. He squeezed the trigger. No sound came from the gun, not even the usual coughing noise most silencers make. Instead, Cat heard a tree limb fall across from them deep in the woods. Damn, he’s a good shot, she thought.

The men whipped around as the tree limb crashed to the ground. “Now I know we both heard that,” said the older one.

“Maybe we should head back to the camp,” the blond suggested. When the older man just looked at him, he added, “For reinforcements. If there really are people in the woods, we don’t want to find ourselves outnumbered, do we?"

The older man scanned the wood line before throwing up his hands. “I guess you have a point.”

They climbed back in the truck and sped away, kicking up more loose rocks.

Bucky watched it roll down the road until it disappeared around a turn. “That was your brother, wasn’t it?”

“How did you know?”

“Family resemblance. Judging from the scars, I’d guess he survived that explosion at the compound.”

She shook her head. “Poor Eli.”

“And I’m fairly certain he spotted us.”

“How could he? We were hiding behind trees and bushes.”

“There was something different about his right eye. Now I know what it was. He’s enhanced like me.” Bucky flexed his metal arm. There was a whir of gears inside as the plates settled into place.

Cat covered her mouth with both hands at the thought of someone using her brother as a science experiment. She couldn’t imagine the pain he had gone through. “What did they do to him?”

“I don’t know, but if you’re right, and Hydra is behind all this, it isn’t good. We need to leave before they get back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter! Sorry for the delay. Real life gets in the way when all you want to do is write. In the next chapter, we'll check back in with Cap and Sam as they continue to track Bucky.


	16. That nagging feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Sam track Bucky's trail to Cat's apartment.

Steve stood in the middle of the rubble that used to be an apartment. The blinds on the windows hung in shreds, the couch looked like it had been torn apart by a pack of dogs, and there was a person-sized hole in the wall going into the next apartment.

From what the police had told him, they had been contacted by a government agency saying they had tracked a wanted fugitive here. When the agents had arrived to search the place, the fugitive had fought back and fled taking the apartment’s resident with him. None of the local police officers had been involved, but quite a few of the agents had been taken to the hospital.

Sam walked in, stepping over debris in the hallway. “So you think this was him?”

“Do you know anyone else who can run through a wall?”

Sam smirked. “Besides you? No.”

“I just don’t know why he took the woman with him. It doesn’t fit with the Bucky I knew or the Winter Soldier’s M.O.” Steve looked around the apartment as if the shards of plaster and glass would offer up a clue.

Sam opened the closet door to see if anything important seemed to be missing. “Could Catherine Austin have ties to HYDRA?”

“It’s possible, but I still don’t know why he’d kidnap her. If he needed information, why not just question her here?”

“Maybe he started here. We don’t know how much of this was from the agents and what was here before.”

Steve nodded then paused. “Did you catch which agency this was?”

“Nope.” Sam closed the door. “I thought you did.”

A nagging feeling started to bloom in Steve’s belly. “I need to call 13. We need to find out who else is looking for Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter. More to come soon.


End file.
